He loved me some days. I'm sure he did. [SIGNED]

My brand new book of prose and poetry! Signed with love by me ♡
 
"You loved me some days, when the sun shone high in the sky.
Your steps were light and easy, dancing naked in the bathroom. I laughed and you laughed and we talked like kids do, unashamed and open for joy, barely bothered by the rain coming. Your eyes were clear and genuine some days. Mostly when other people were around. Sometimes when only I was.
I will remember those days.
 
You loved me some days.
Said my name in that way I fell in love with, like it mattered and meant something. But I’m not who I was those years ago and you only want to see who I was then, refusing to explore who I’ve become now.
So we had to learn tenderness, lightly touching the wounds we’d caused each other. Hearts bruise so easily on this side of town and wounds heal so slowly.
 
You never told me your dreams. I never knew you fulfilled them. I never knew. 
I stayed up some nights hoping the phone would ring, that maybe you would share them with me. Your dreams. I never knew you fulfilled them.
 
There was a thick cloud hanging over Lisbon and we sat by the water, the wind playing with your hair. I kept my eyes on the horizon, like I always do, holding back a thick stone in my throat, like I always do. Sometimes your voice gets so distant. I zoom out and fly somewhere far away. Somewhere brighter and lighter where I’m something stronger than this broken character you keep turning me into and I just want to move on. Somewhere far away. Somewhere someone can look at me like maybe I’m doing okay. Like maybe I’m pretty good? Maybe somewhere, someone can look at me with new eyes and let me start over and see what I’ve become, now, after all those years, unaware of how I was back then.
 
Can wounds really heal? Will someone give me a second chance? Maybe I am better now, maybe I am strong and happy and light and simple. No more stones in my throat or escape routes at night.
 
I thought we made it through. The storm left us stronger than ever before. But he told me we didn’t. Said it’s all too broken, too many things we said that we can’t unsay and I kept my eyes on the horizon holding back the stone in my throat like I always do and I tried keeping bright things on my mind. Brighter days like I know are coming. “I’ll be fine, I’ll be fine,” knowing I will, in a while at least.
 
I’m too lonely, he says. Too goddamn lonely. Too broken to be fixed and now I wander yet another Christmas in a foreign country wondering how things went so wrong. Am I really that bad? How did I get so goddamn lonely that even love can’t heal it and where do you go to start over and get a new chance? I just want someone who looks at me without seeing something sad. I just want someone who looks at me like maybe I’m okay. Like maybe I’m pretty good?
 
You loved me some days, when the sun shone high in the sky.
I’ll remember those days. I’ll keep them close and dear.
 
You loved me some days."
 
 
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