Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself

A meditation on growing up. From lost and scared, somewhere in the world, to calm and peaceful, enjoying the process of finding your place.
 
The 4th book from Swedish songwriter & author Charlotte Eriksson is a narrative journey of both prose and poetry, meditating on the joys and struggles of growing up. It's about consciously creating yourself, finding a place in the world and not being afraid to get lost on the way.
 
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“The most impactful moments of my life have been the clean ones. The clean streets in the early a.m. hours—the town is mine to own. The blank pages—no story yet written. The new friendship, the new name, the new pair of eyes staring into mine and I can be whoever I want from now on.”
 
 
“Love does the job. travelling too. writing does it. music.
Also art, whisky, dark-coloured flowers and watching the landscape change in October. Driving on a small road somewhere in Italy with a beautiful boy and I don’t want to be anywhere else in the whole wide world than right there, with him, that very car, smiling.
But I close my eyes for one second and the moment is gone. I’m back to getting high on empty roads somewhere in Sweden and I’m the loneliest girl in the whole damn world and I just want all things beautiful. I just want the music, the literature, the art and the moments of driving in a car with a beautiful boy in Italy.
but here, alone, I have no cares in the world.
I have no cares in the world. I just want it all to be beautiful.”
 
 
 
"Where are our heroes?" she asks. "Where are our role models? Why are we leaving youth behind and laughing at the ones who are still there? Why not help each other out instead? with a little grace. with a little compassion. Love for all and everyone around because we’re all stumbling or succeeding back and forth, every day, and I want more community. I want helpers and guidance. Am I helping someone?"
Charlotte helps by documenting her struggles, inner journeys and outer experiences, and she helps by sharing them with the world as boldly and bravely as she does.
"We’re all going through the same journey of growing from kids to teenagers to young adults to somewhat adult—to maybe a little calmer, to even more calm, and some lose their ways here but I want to speak up about it and hear that we’re all on the same journey. We’re all on the same road but it feels like everyone’s ashamed of walking this road so everyone’s looking down, trying not to be seen, pretending their feet are steady and not stumbling."
It's a joy to watch Charlotte's growth as a writer and young woman through these poetic lines.
– Amy Rose, editor
 
 

“No one will come and save you. No one will come riding on a white horse and take all your worries away. You have to save yourself, little by little, day by day. Build yourself a home. Nurture your body. Find something to work on. Something that makes you excited, something you want to learn. Get yourself some books and learn them by heart. Get to know the author, where he grew up, what books he read himself. Take yourself out for dinner. Dress up for no one but you and simply feel nice. It’s a lovely feeling, to feel pretty. You don’t need anyone to confirm it.
I get so goddamn lonely and sad and filled with regrets some days, but I’m learning to breathe deep through it and keep walking. I’m learning to make things nice for myself. Slowly building myself a home with things I like. Colours that calm me down, a plan to follow when things turn dark. A few people I try to treat right, even though I don’t sometimes, but it’s my intention to do so. I’m learning.
I’m learning to make things nice for myself. I’m learning to save myself.
I’m trying, as I always will.”