I am ...

I'm messy and I'm organized and I'm still trying to piece my own self together. I can't sleep at night because how could I close my eyes when there's a whole world out there, calling my name, waiting to be explored. I love intelligent conversations while laying on empty streets at 5am in the morning, and I love watching the sun rise over a world that is still asleep. I make mistakes and I mess up a lot, but I'm trying to learn how to be okay with that. Some days I couldn't care less about what all of you think about my art because this is my life and all I have. But then there are days when all I want is to be beautiful and good enough and someone to count on. Someone to like and love and believe in. I just really want to mean something to someone.

 

I believe in the future, for I have seen yesterday and I'm still alive. I laugh a lot and I believe in the beauty in small things. Like the coffee in the morning with someone you love, road-trips to nowhere and oceans. I love people who are curious and careless, because I want to be curious and careless and even though I'm mostly guarded, mostly shy, what I really want is to hug every single person I meet and ask them a thousand questions about their definition of a life lived well and if they've ever been in love and how they could go on when that love disappeared, because I am struggling. People fascinate me because I can't seem to understand them, and they rarely understand me. The way they can live and breathe and simply be, when I can't even look myself in the mirror without questioning every line, every expression and people’s perception. I remember every single word from conversations and I have a whole box of unsent letters to myself and every person I've ever met.

 

When I was 18 I packed a rucksack and went out to meet the world. I wanted to become a person I could be proud of and create a life that made me excited to wake up in the morning. I dedicated my life to my art and music, determined to tell the world about it. I went everywhere and nowhere. Spent nights on the concrete, had beautiful conversations with strangers, and walked foreign streets every day. I learned how to build my home in my music and my art. When I sing or write, I'm not scared anymore. I just want to mean something to someone because every person I meet means the world to me and I just wish to belong. I just wish to be me and be loved for that. I believe that if you want something bad enough, you can always find a way to get it. I love challenges because I'm here to prove myself and other people wrong.

 

I still don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way, and I'm giving my life to this journey.  My life is this journey.

I wanted to turn my life into art, my very existence into a poem.

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It might not always be easy, but it will always be beautiful.